- Grief -

this is some thing that my family and i have had to deal with recently.
It isn't exactly explained that well when we are kids, how life and death really work. My parents did try how ever, to explain how it all worked. they took us to 1 or two relative funerals when my brother and i where younger but we were that young that we just sat at the back and asked every five minutes or so "how long 'till we leave?".

......i remember being that young... always on the move to explore and run around and get in trouble, ah the life that we once live.....

Human death had never really affected me after since my introduction to, it's just been something that I've shrugged off...... until recently.
But the strange thing is that i cared more about when one of my best Friends (my pets) died than family members.
That all changed earlier this yeah unfortunately my baby cousin died for the second time in a year. this death has had more of an effect than anything else in my life. at the time of his death i was already in therapy for other reasons. But even though i had talked to this therapist before sharing what i was really thinking about death, with her it just didn't seem right. Man I'm pretty sure i said more to my English teacher (by accident as a way of explaining things) than to any one else.

it's only now that i am able to talk or even share it with you now, it is still difficult.....

My mother has always said that people deal with death in there own way and that there's no way to help someone get through it, not really anyway.
and that's mainly because every one take sit in differently, some try to make themselves feel eh pain that they believe the dearly departed is feeling, other's shut every one out, some pretend that nothing has even happened (denial) or the grab for attention.

To me that is what my Aunt (my baby cousin's mother) has done. She goes out nearly every night and gets drunk (in my mind she gets drunk so that she can forget) and she rapidly spends money on things that are not needed. Her action's anger me with a rage that i have never felt before towards any human being that i have ever met. I'm angry at her because she seems (to me) to have forgotten that she has a daughter to look after! as well as her self . Don't get me wrong i love her to bits and pieces but i can;t look at her in the same way that i used too... i look at her and see hatred and a grate sadness that can never be removed...it's like a stain, a stain on all our souls.
But this is how she's dealing with it and that's what I have to deal with.

How i deal with grief is a lot different, i don't even think that i can describe it. but i do know for a cold fact that i would rather tell complete strangers about what I'm really feeling  than face the look of  pity that i see in my parents and friends faces.